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| Hello! A quick update from my roomie's computer while she is off somewhere studying ligaments... my computer broke! Yes, it is dead and gone. I am facing life without a personal laptop, and it is scary and limiting. I can no longer wiki or google things, or enjoy my pirated music collection of 5 years, or search out and buy nifty specialty items... and I can no longer xanga  . At least from the privacy of my room. I can do all these things at work, but not without feeling guilty-- people's xanga backgrounds and facebook pictures are so obviously NOT work, at least as seen from my boss' office directly behind my 'cube'. Real, non-computer-related life is an interesting sensation... so is calling people on the phone instead of i.m.ing. vocal interaction hmmmm...
Otherwise, life is good. Work is good. Lots of cool books and projects, including some stuff related to ''The Wittenburg Door', which has opened up my eyes to this AMAZING resource for 'snarky' people:
http://www.wittenburgdoor.com
I'm also learning a lot about Bono and women's conventions and the 'emerging church movement'. Which basically says that absolute truth exists, but we sort of suck at figuring it out sometimes, even in the church. Lots of people are miffed about that, apparantly  .
I like and admire all of my co workers, but i still feel like i am hiding a terrible terrible secret about myself: I have absolutely no concept of 'professionalism'. i.e, i just graduated from college and i am inappropriate. and 'snarky'. this makes things pretty awkward, because i feel like if i relax, something horrid is going to pop out of my mouth. here's a minor example:
today i was on the elevator on the way back from the children's dept. making nice with a random lady from my floor. she said something about how she wouldnt want to work in children's, but they do have cute character stuffed animals. and i said something to the effect of 'yeah--we dont get stuffed billy graham's'. that is apparantly inappropriate, because billy graham is very old. and very venerable. and an amazing amazing man. equally inappropriate was my suggestion that someone should go as billy graham for halloween, since he and/or his people were coming in for a meeting that day. that was WRONG. so there are to be NO MORE light or even minorly disrespectful references to dr. graham. my appropriate-o-meter is hopelessly hopelessly broken  . I love you, billy graham. i love you, job. i love you, too, stuffed animals. i don't love causing silences in conversations and having to turn pink .
ex 3: an admin lady and editor and i were joking about forming a rap group, and the senior publisher walked up and i asked if he could beatbox. thats not something you ask senior publishers i guess. mrrrrrrrgggghhh. harmless, but uncomfortable.
but on the up side is my gigantoid harvest of free books. and interaction with people who have successfully honed their snarkiness (which is the word of the day- maybe of the month- in case you couldn't tell) to an admissable yet natural level. this is probably not as hard as i'm making it...
p.s. my roomate is getting MARRIED. sparkely rock alert!
p.p.s. i have a baby cousin named Fred . His mommy is from New Zealand, so it is pronounced 'Frid'. I am going to visit and take pictures on Thursday and bring them some pumpkin 'brid'.
But now i'm goign to pint night because its monday yaaaaaay!! bye for now.
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| well friends,
tomorrow i begin my last few days at thinklink. it is bittersweet. but mostly flippin sweet. because, midweek, i am o-fficially joining the W Publishing Group as their *editorial assistant*!!!!! if people's chests actually physically swelled with pride and excitement and thankfullness, and if i was a suspender-wearing person, my suspenders would have popped from the swelling of pride and excitement and thankfullness. or my buttons would have busted (burst?)... i do wear buttons so that is more feasible.
at this point i cant help but muse about God's reasons for making me wait five torturous months from the time i started applying with publishers to the time one of them acknowledged my existence, go through a series of 'humbling' jobs, be offered a series of safe and pretty decent jobs and wondering why they made my stomach sink, battle short bouts of existential confusion, approach a point of peace and THEN have my ideal just plop itself in my lap after i had given up and convinced myself that i might not get to give 'what i might want to do' a try in a real world setting. i marvel. .
joanna and i were talking about this and we discussed how things seem to happen in 'cycles' in one's life. then we postulated that God might make the five-offers-ranging-from-crappy-to-pretty-decent-and-then-a-jaw-dropper cycle apply to the men-folk... and that made me happy because then i wouldn't have that far to go  . teeheee.
anyhoo, now all i have on my plate is
- politely ditching the vanderbilt job i accepted (psych!)
- saying goodbye to precious assesment development and sales professionals
- shopping for professional and semi-professional *outfits!!!* 
- reference checks and a drug test on monday just to make sure 'crackhead' or an 'axe murderer' (as per my editor)
- being excited to the point of nausia
- and preparing myself for the slight but tantalizingly real possibility of meeting BONO... which may involve keeping a pack of Depends in the office (just in case...)
here are a few goodbye selections from thinklink, in honor of the many good times and rent-paying dollars they have given me.
first, another very telling 'Bob Guy'. The correct answer is bolded.
His Last Bullet
The cold man sat hunched over a small campfire. He felt
awful about shooting his horse, but he could do nothing else. It had been in
terrible pain with a badly broken leg. Unfortunately, he'd used his last
bullet. Firing a gun and knowing there was no one to hear it made him feel even
more alone.
His dwindling stack of firewood lay beside him in the snow. Around him, the
howl of wolves came closer as the fire grew smaller. He stuffed his almost
frozen hands into his pockets and pulled up the collar of his coat. Still, the
frigid air crept in and chilled him. Frostbite had already reached his toes and
was creeping upward.
Moving ever closer to the fire, the man threw in another log to increase the
heat and drive back the wolves. He dozed for a few minutes. Suddenly, realizing
the fire was too small to keep the wild wolves at bay, he threw the last two
logs onto the fire and wished heartily that he was not stranded in the frozen
tundra 50 miles from the nearest human being.
Based upon the passage, which of the following
is most likely to happen?
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A.
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Being only 50 miles from the nearest village, the man is
found within hours.
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B.
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The man will be able to keep the fire going until dawn and
survive another day.
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C.
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The man is able to walk to the nearest village before
dawn.
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D.
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The wolves will attack the man in a few hours.
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...........
.........................
'the line' has obviously gotten very very blurry for bob. i can just see a classroom full of seventh graders sitting and staring at their tests and blinking...and spiraling...
here are some sweet ones just to balance that out.
28. Tom looked out the window. He saw his puppy and his kitten.
They were sleeping. The puppy had his head on the kitten. The kitten’s head was
ont the puppy. They looked like a big
ball of fur. What can you tell about the puppy and the kitten?
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A.
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They like each other.
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B.
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They want to play
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C.
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They have food to eat.
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9. Pandas are
animals from Asia. They are black and white. They live
in China and
eat bamboo. ___________________________. They like to eat and sleep most of the
time.
Which sentence goes on the line?
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A.
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Bears look like pandas.
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B.
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Pandas eat bamboo all day.
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C.
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My bag is black and white.
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| New color scheme inspired by the paisley kleenex box in our bathroom.
i must say that uploading that graphic was a pleasure- i'm a fan of the new xanga
After talking with Laura G. tonight I realize that there are many testing nuggets I have neglected to post. To begin with, another short passage and question to ponder by our friend, Bob Guy (please refer to previous xanga). This is from a 6th grade test:
The Kelly I Knew
The girl was as gorgeous as a model, and she knew it. Kelly was always going
around flaunting her beauty. Sometimes, she tried to appear clever and witty.
Kelly tried to convince people that she was some kind of college professor. But
it was her beauty that the girl depended on for attention. She was not a
classic beauty like the ones in old paintings. Instead, Kelly had the healthy
glow and the even features of an athlete.
What comparison is made to show how the girl
tried to appear smarter than other people? (answer choices deleted because I'm afraid someone will find this one day and try to sue me...)
I think I am beginning to have some insight into a few of Bob's formative experiences. It is a peek into a bitter, complex and murky world. I'm not sure I want to go there. This causes me to strain against my English major tendencies with all my might.
and i wonder exactly how Kelly was working the 'college professor' thing anyway...
Here's another:
AAGGH THE PANCAKE SOAP IS EATING MY HAND AAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!!
Besides the graphic artistry, this question embodies an important skill set- kids need to know the sneaky ways in which they are being targeted by subtle and seductive advertisements.
Other fun stuff I got to think about this week:
The North American Periodic Cicada- which apparantly people from Ohio eat in pie form. Ask Laura G. for more details...
Queen Elizabeth had an extraordinary sense of smell. Consequently, she ordered the development of the flush toilet. She also had migraines AND red hair!
And then a few things came up that I have neglected in my daily life:
- the zoo: never been. should go while its still pretty outside...
- tacos: i don't really take advantage of tacos...
- guppies: some fishies in the apartment might be nice...
Working at Discovery just pumps sunshine into my life. Sadly, though, I will be leaving them at the end of the month and either:
A. working at Vanderbilt (Insurance! Insurance!)
or
B. working at Thomas Nelson. Which I'll find out abt next week... *fingers crossed*. Interview went well...but at one point I bounced up and down and squealed and I'm not sure how professional that looked. Nelson is doing a book by Mike Erre (who pastors Rock Harbor Church in CA and puts out a kickin podcast every week) called 'The Jesus of Suburbia' and I got an adVANced copy for freEEEeeeEEee!!!!! he just GAVE it to me. because he can DO that (hence the squealing). It is part of their push for more 'edgy' and challenging Christian lit (ptl), in the same vein as 'Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger'. free quality Jesus books AND possibility useful/ fulfilling employment??!?!? who's a happy girl . *bounce bounce*
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| hi! a quick update.
employment:
the mafiaoza's chapter in my life has CLOSED. halleLUjiah. now that i have the being-very-poor-while-working-in-food-services experience under my belt i feel i can call myself a more complete human being. there is nothing like being really bad at a comparitively menial job to shake one's confidence in one's fancy schmancy college degree. Working in a restaurant is hard work and the people are underpaid. ALWAYS tip the carry out person. :).
the current chapter involves working for the Discovery Channel (yay!) in a Discovery Learning division called ThinkLink (mmmm...) *editing and proofreading* (YAAAY!)... standardized test material (meh). random? yes. a step in the right direction? i believe so.
list of nice things associated with this gig:
- temporary (no commitment), for as long as i want to stay, approx 2 months
- i make my own hours and can work from home- therefore guitar teaching and GRE studying can continue.
- i'm allowed to wear my p.j.'s in the office.
- they actually WANT people who are ocd. like the ones who couldn't pay attention in 4th grade because the teacher never fully erased the smudges on the board. smudge consciousness is key here.
- i get to brandish a red pen
- a nice young man in sales asked me on a date  (dont fall off your chairs, folks)
- the office is overflowing with endearing weirdnesses.
- i get to edit paragraphs like these: (read aloud for full effect)
Mercedes Rodriguez was standing in the lunch line, minding
her own business. She didn’t even see Kimberly Harcourt until Kimberly got into
the line beside her and said, “I saw you talking to my boyfriend Hank Allen
after second period. What’s up?” Mercedes did not want to get into an argument
with Kimberly, as they had been friends since second grade. “I just saw him in
the hall and said ‘Hi,’” Mercedes said. “That’s all there was to it. I know
that you two are seeing each other and more power to you.”<p>
At this point Kimberly began to cry, but it was not a sad
cry. It was more of an angry cry. Kimberly said, “You didn’t know that Hank and
I broke up last night?” “No,” said Mercedes, “this is the first I’ve heard
about it. I’m really sorry, Kimberly.” But Kimberly was not going to be
placated so easily. She was now yelling. “So you’re sorry, you say? You’ve
always wanted to date Hank and don’t deny it. I bet you that’s the reason he
broke up with me, just so he could date you.”<p>
There was a long pause as Mercedes thought carefully about
what she was going to say. She knew that what she said could destroy her
friendship with Kimberly. “You know I don’t have many friends, so I’m very
loyal to the ones I have. I remember the day I walked into that second grade
class scared to death, and you smiled at me and motioned to a desk near you.
That smile of yours and you pointing toward that empty desk sealed our
friendship forever. At least it did as far as I’m concerned. I don’t betray my
friends.” Kimberly reached out, and Mercedes took her into her arms.<p>
That one is from a middle school test. Don't you just love the tone shift in the last paragraph?
If you ever wondered, while taking a standardized test, who came up with this lameness, and if he or she was on crack, the answer is 'a man named Bob Guy.' and yes.
but seriously, reading these tests has caused me to think about many interesting topics i might otherwise have left unexplored. like static cling. and the gerenuk: a territorial and semi-social antelope. and sugar maple trees. human pyramids. food bourne illnesses. mongooses. the bravery of 'molly pitcher'. General Patton slapping a shell-shocked infantryman. and composting.
Today's reading included a passage entitled "Border Collies: Not for the Faint of Heart". And a first grade test that asks "What does 'hug' mean?'. One of my all time favorites is a 2nd grade math test that asks
What would not fit in a shoebox?
A. table
B. box of crayons
C. toothbrush
D. banana
I'm going to start collecting these. for a novel that i must write about this experience. but i will make sure to post them all up here first :)
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